On The Edge
by hiddeninplainsight
Summary: With no one there to save you. What would it be like, if Bella were to leave Alice? The pain of loosing each other would be more than any physical pain possible.


**AN: This is dedicated to a close friend, who I recently may or may not have lost. Personally, I'm unsure. I just want her to know I care, and that this hurts. I love her more than my own sister, being totally honest.  
**

**I own nothing but the pajamas I've had on all day.  
**

* * *

"Maybe that's why I need to end it."

Those eight simple words shattered my heart.

"Bella, please tell me you're kidding."

She shrugged.

"You can't honestly mean that! Am I really that bad of a friend?"

I went over memories in my head. Sure, I hadn't been there every single moment. There were times I was busy, and not able to talk. I didn't think those times were too huge though. I was usually always there. I remembered getting up at 3 a.m. because she needed to talk to me. I tried as hard as possible to be different. I hated all those bitches that left her. They made friends with her, then broke it off after a few months. Jessica, Lauren. I had wanted to beat their asses. That is not how friendships work. I promised myself I wouldn't let that happen. Hell, I promised HER I wouldn't let that happen. I said I'd always be there.

She simply shrugged again. She's telling me that we aren't friends and then just fucking shrugs? I kept my cool, not wanting to get upset. I had no reason to be upset.

"Bella, oh my God. Bella, you can't honestly say you want me to just leave.. and never talk to you again. Over one little thing?"

"Other people have done it before. Why not me?" she asked.

"I don't understand."

"Other people easily say goodbye without a second thought."

Without a second thought? I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"I don't want you to go, Bella. I don't know what I would do without you."

"You have other friends, Alice."

She thought I had other friends that could even _begin_ to compare to her? No, that's just not true. Bella was my best friend. I don't talk to the other people all day. I don't fall asleep texting them. I don't wake up to a text that says 'wakey waky!' The 'other' friends don't know me like she does. I've told her so many things that I could never tell anyone else. _Those_ people aren't my best friend.

"I'm not ditching you. I will always be there for you. No matter what. You can come to me with anything. Always."

"I'm going. Bye."

*

I crawled into my bed, and turned on my iPod. The speakers were up literally as loud as possible. Welcome to my Life was on repeat while I laid there and cried.

_Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you_

All but one, and that one is gone, I thought to myself.

_Do you ever wanna run away?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
And no one hears you screaming_

I pulled the blanket over my entire body, and let the tears fall.

_No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like to be like me_

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked  
When you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
When no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like_

_Welcome to my life_

_Do you wanna be somebody else?  
Are you sick of felling so left out?  
Are you desperate to find something more  
Before your life is over?_

_Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
Are you sick of everyone around?  
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies  
But deep inside you're bleeding_

_No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like to be like me_

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked  
When you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like_

_Welcome to my life_

_No one ever lies straight to your face  
And no one ever stabbed you in the back  
You might think I'm happy  
But I'm not gonna be okay_

_Everybody always gave you what you wanted  
You never had to work it was always there  
You don't know what it's like  
What it's like_

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked  
When you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
When no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like_

_To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked  
When you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
When no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like_

_Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life_

Quietly, I sung along. My voice was shakey, and cracked from the tears, but I sung along nonetheless.

She would come back. I couldn't lose hope. My promise still stands. I just hoped that somehow, someway, she would realize this; realize that I'm not perfect. I hit next on my iPod, stopping the song mid-track. I didn't think about what was next. Just my luck. Another sad song.

_  
Cause we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be...perfect  
Now it's just too late  
And we can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be... perfect_

_I try not to think  
About the pain I feel inside  
Did you know you used to be my hero?  
All the days you spent with me  
Now seem so far away  
And it feels like you don't care anymore_

_And now I try hard to make it  
I just wanna make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
I can't stand another fight  
And nothing's alright_

_Cause we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be... perfect  
Now it's just too late  
And we can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be... perfect_

A whole new round of tears came. I laid in bed, letting the sobs shake my body. So much for having hope left. I turned off my iPod, and tried to let sleep overtake me.

If she only knew that I couldn't do this without her...


End file.
